I'm afraid of Americans..

...sang a great English poet once, and while largely perceived by many to be not quite the full shilling, he was on to something.  Now, normally my blog is usually infested with race reports or bitching about neighbours and other twats but today I'll make an exception.

Firstly though, I have been to America, and it has some nice people, as do other countries, but like other countries, it also has it's fair share of utter wankers.  Do they have more as they are a large country or does it simply seem that way due to social media?  No matter, lets delve in and found out why one should in fact, be afraid of Americans (but not all, only the silly ones)

Flat Earthers.  These people site Nasa as major conspirators, saying because only they go up into space, they can tell us the earth is round and everyone has to believe them.  Right, so before Nasa then, Airline pilots, they have flown around the world.  Surely they would have seen the edge, or are they sworn to secrecy too?  Before airline pilots?  Ohh, Columbus, yeah, that bloke who sailed "too far" and discovered for himself the Americas, thanks for that mate.  I doubt he fell off the edge.  Sailors, who frequently circumnavigate their way round the planet.  They're in on it too I suppose.  Not to mention that if you were in a large open space, a desert for example, you can see the curvature of the earth, only slightly mind.  I read some twats utterings recently, he said that in the old days you could see a ship disappear over the horizon, but with todays cameras, that is no longer the case, proving that the earth is flat.  Lastly for now, that nob who has build his own rocket, with intentions of using it to fly up and prove the earth isn't round.  

Hmmm, I suspect clean up specialists will be digging his remains out of a mountain side for some time to come once he does take off.  It's true not all Americans are flat earthers, it's entirely plausible that all flat earthers are American.

Next up, social media.  It's always good for a laugh, especially the ones with complete fucktards saying stupid things.  The trouble is, they're all American.  Here are a few gems:

"Does it take 18 months for twins to be born, or 9?"

"Been stuck on the escalator for hours, the power went out"

"How does it rain in Australia? as they are at the bottom of the planet surely the rain just falls off "

"How did people no what roads to take before google maps was invented?"

       "they used maps."

"No, I said before google maps"

Hmmm, what do you make of that lot?  All freely available via the internet.  

Donald Trump, what can  say about ol Trumpy that hasn't already been said with such colour?  Fuck all, that's what.  He is the President of one of the largest countries in the world, yet has no clue.  He clearly believes in god, has not moved with the times, ie, evolving attitudes toward the environment, civil rights, and war.  He is a narrow minded throwback voted in by narrow minded throwbacks, and other people who didn't want the other person.  He is American.

This is of course my opinion, and if you don't want to read it, then don't.  Or perhaps you don't share my opinion, that's great, but I'm not here for a debate.

I'm off to get pizza in and watch a movie of something, maybe a New Yorker with extra pastrami, and Team America on dvd.

Stay safe kids and remember, in the land of the free can you be who you want to be.

How have I been?

Struggling, to not put too fine a point on it.

Had a great time at the Clanfield round of the SRS, pitting with Kev, Stumpy, George M and also Richard and Mike Daniel (thanks for the sausage roll by the way Richard), it helped take my mind off the passing of my Mum.  Unfortunately, some utter fucking moron knocked me off my motorbike on the following Tuesday.

It was outside The Range in Portsmouth, it's always been a dodgy looking place to put a carpark entrance and I'm surprised it was greenlit by the council.  Anyway, this bellend came off the roundabout and basically straightlined it across the opposite lane to get into the carpark, thus collecting me on the way as he T-boned me and forced me up his bonnet while he carried on driving with my bike under the front of his car.

Myself and the bike were finally dumped in the actual carpark, me on my right side, the bike on it's left, after being hit on the right.  Anyway, The cunt's paying for it now, I'd like to see his renewal price, the bastard.  He didn't even ask how I was, hell, I didn't even get the obligatory "sorry mate I didn't see you".  In fact, he carried on doing his shopping.  Prick.

The bike was deemed "beyond economical repair", but was bought back as salvage.  she will roll again, I tell thee.


Had a BBQ, everyone was there, from Bob Seger, to Sonny and Cher. (I don't even like that song).  Was a good evening, not so for Terry, who was looking out for me after such a wank time and had to leave cos he was gonna start a fight.  He made himself leave, I had no idea what had happened till a while later.  Thanks to Jax, Bigz and Dianne for helping to tidy up at the end of the evening.  Massive help and greatly apprec'd.


Nearly started a fight myself actually too.  Wifes ex was being a monumental bell end, more so than his normal bell end self.  He had refused to take his nipper back for menial reasons I won't go into here, but his wife refused to speak to the kid aswell, she's a drama teacher apparently, but more like a drama queen, and he didn't wan't him back because his wife was making him choose.

So with all I was dealing with, this prick lands me with HIS problems with HIS stoopid bitch wife.  I can honestly say he was about to get an hiding, and for me to do that, I was on the fucking edge.  Then he started crying, on my front yard, wtf.  He comes to my house, gives me his problems then starts crying.  What a wanker.

That was quite a few weeks ago now, and I can't stand to comprehend his presence, or who knows what will happen.  I have to leave it to his ex wife.


Just done round 4 of the SRS at South Coast RC.  It rained alot.  A lot of people didn't make the trip.  I ended up in the B Final, which was a bit of a chufty badge.  As normal driving the SWorkz Evo 2 LE.  Qualifying was a mixed bag, not quite 10p mix up quality, but almost as varied.  Someone spun out on the main straight about 4ft in front of me when I was flat chat, he got away nicely, but I finished the race with a bent and stuck in shock shaft, only to come back to my gazebo to find the rain had leaked on my chair.  I almost went home, except the banter from Stumpy, Kev, Sam C, George M and Simon kept me hanging around.  Many thanks again to Steve Spencer for pitting for me in the final, 20 mins of standing in the pissing rain just to refuel my car, hey, it's why we love the hobby right?  Herts Nitro on the 17th for the last round of the SRS, I've never been.  Then last round of SCRCs summer orgy bonanza the week after.


Went to Glastonbury the other week on the bike (the other bike), only a night away, but it was nice.  we climbed the Tor, chilled out, and just enjoyed the time away.  The scenery from the top of the Tor was great.  Cheddar Gorge was visible in the distance, amazing.

Off on Wednesday to Swadlincote in the Midlands, to see my friend John, aka, James Johnson, who's now running his own internet radio station.  Called Unsigned James UK, he showcases artists who are, unsigned, funnily enough.  Anyway, I might be guesting on his show that evening, we will see.

And finally, I'll leave you with these gems I found lurking on the internet

That's it for now, and remember...

Keep This Frequency Clear

My week in words and pictures

Hi all

Like the last blog of mine, which was mostly about the worst news a Son (or daughter even ) could ever have, this one is about a couple of subjects, only far less depressing.  Unfortunately/fortunately (delete as appropriate) one of them is racing.  You, at the back, pay attention now.

Older viewers (in time, not age) of my facebook may remember the picture below from a couple of years ago.  It is of the view from my back garden of my neighbours conservatory.  It is built on the boundary, and has two openers, windows #2 and #4, opening inward.

Obviously, I was unhappy about looking at this, and when he saw me gunning out kerbstones shoring up the shoddy patio I have, he wrote me a letter threatening me with legal action if I didn't replace them.  I've not replaced them, they were on my side of the boundary, which, again, he said had moved to accommodate his conservatory.
He told me there was a written agreement with a previous neighbour in 1984 and is kept with the council.  Well, I was 8 in 1984 so I didn't sign it, the people who did no longer live there, and the council don't keep stuff like that, because I asked them.  It is all with land registry, who have no record of a boundary being changed.  Not only did the kerbstones not get replaced, I smashed out the rest of the patio too, which was shit and was up to damp course.  Who the fuck does that?  Apparently, ol' Trumpy next door (conservatory twat) had a hand in it, need I say anymore?


Anyway, as of this week, this is now currently a view I have in my back garden, looking of course in the same direction.

So no more wanky conservatory to look at, and, He can no longer climb out of his window on to my property.  I'm expecting a letter, although, I wonder if he has realized he's been a nob and won't bother......watch this space.

Moving swiftly along, like some scumbag builder coming by your house in the dead of night and dumping their shit in the skip you've paid good money for, we're on to racing.  

Ah, RC racing, the staple hobby of nerds, engineers, shop owners and former child primadonnas everywhere.  A hobby I love dearly.

Clanfield RC, Almost, quite literally, up my street, albeit 8 miles away, played host today (2nd July '17) to round 3 of the SRS (we've been through this, it's Southern Regional Series ffs).  Upon arrival it becomes apparent that Tony Bolwell and helpers have got the ol' place looking alright.  No hammers or anything.

I'm pitting with KB and the Sunshine band, aka, Model Cars Reading supremo Kev Brunsden, Stumpy, Mr Miller (he's neither a vicar or a serial killer),Mike and Richard Daniel, the latter of which had offerings of sausage rolls, for which I found it hard to contain my enthusiasm.  Had it not been for the bacon and egg baguette I'd just polished off, I woulda eaten ALL the sausage rolls, then carried on munching everything, like the Langoliers. 

I made 6th in the C Final, unfortunately, I finished 7th, but at least I finished, which is a stark difference to the same meeting last year.  In this one, I was at the sharp end, but after my 2nd fuel stop and a couple of joey errors and slow marshalling, my brain seemed to turn to some non conductive splodge, like the crap you get in a front sprocket cover of a motorbike, made of old chain lube and road shit, which simply couldn't control my hands enough to keep my position.

Stumpy made 6th in the B Final, and finished 7th also, after driving the last 3rd of his final "like a complete Spaz".  His words, not mine.

Mike bumped into the A and Kev spent the entire A final locked in battle with Mr NemoRacing himself, Jon Hazelwood, but had to settle for the first runner up spot after Jon beat him over the line by sweet FA.

If, like me, you enjoy reading someone elses twaddle, then tune in next time when I have reports on the local daisy growing championships, and latex clad Dominatrices threatening me with riding crops.  

Same bat time, same bat channel.

Ciao  

Mainly not about racing

Sunday, June 4th 2017. 08;15. M27, westbound.  There he is, look, Grant Fribbens, ol' comedy barnet himself.  He was no doubt on his way to Torch for some 1/10th off road action,  I'm beeping to attract his attention, but like an elderly person who has just wronged you and knows it, he refuses to make eye contact and stares ahead.

Me?  Well, myself and Lei are off to South Coast RC for round 3 of their Summer Off Road Orgy.  Lei did barbeque too which was nice.  It went like this:  I drove around, got pole in the B.  Got away and pulled a 2 lap lead, only for my clutch bearings to shit themselves 30 seconds from the end and took not only the clutch bell but also the spur gear with it.  I got 2nd and no bump up, that's racing.  The Sworkz 350 Truggy was lovely to drive though.

None of that really matters though right now, for in the evening, I went round to my parents house to see my dad and maybe my mum.  On May 15th, only a few weeks ago , my mum had been diagnosed with terminal cancer.  In the intervening days/weeks, she had gone downhill a bit and was by now on oromorph or whatever the fuck it's called, frankly, I don't care.  I'm sat around the table chatting with my dad, and he says he's just going to check on mum.  Seconds later, he stumbles back down the stairs, picks up the phone and tells my sister: "she's gone".  My mum had died.  On Sunday, June 4th 2017, 8pm.  This moment will be etched into my brain for the rest of my life.  I couldn't believe it, and still don't.  It's like it's happening to someone else and I'm watching it, like an fpv dream.  I'm on autopilot, I'm subdued (for now), I'm mentally tired and even now (June 8th), I'm still trying to come to terms with has happened.

In 2010, my mum was 70, and for her birthday.  My friend John drove all the way down from Swadlincote in the Midlands to do the disco.  We set the gazebo up, got the rig going, food on the bar and drinks in the glasses.  Everyone came round and we had a right ol' knees up.  We even had a police car and 2 police vans turn up in an attempt to "break up a rowdy party".  I answered the door and couldn't believe my eyes with 3 coppers stood there, I swear they didn't believe me until my mum came into the hall clutching a helium balloon with 70 emblazoned upon it, wishing to know who was at the door.  They wished her a happy birthday and promptly left.

Or the time I gave her a lift to work on my RXS100 shortly after I had passed my bike test back in '95.  She was grateful, but certain she wouldn't do it again.  I suppose going down the A3 might have been a step too soon.

This was my mum, whom, as a child I would watch in amazement as she carried multiple bags of shopping and walk with them all the way from the ville to home, no taxis, no bus, no fuss.  Or the time she had my childhood nemesis up against the wall by his neck, branding him a "little shit" for his continued bullying of me, he didn't do it again.

Her legendary hospitality.  When I lived at home, my friends were always made welcome, sometimes too welcome in fact.  On several occasions this one friend would turn up at 9am on christmas morning, and would be happily offered a bacon sarnie.  Friends would stay over and there would be snacks and extra food laid on for us to feed upon.  One new year, we were all up the pub, and afterward it was back to my parents, where my friends were all offered floor space and blankets, with some breakfast in the morning.

At christmas she would make mince pies, and they were a favourite of everyone, from me to the people in the local one stop.

An incredibly houseproud woman, I was inspired, and still am, by her domestic prowess.  We didn't have a lot when I was younger and I was always made fun of for not having what the other kids had, but she taught me to be grateful for what I did have and always try to look after it, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

She was my mum, the bestest mum a son a could ever have and I'll miss her forever.

On any sunday? not quite.

9th of April marked a Sunday, it was no doubt also someones birthday, it wouldn't surprise me if it was also some inane "National something day", like National Percy Thrower day or some such, the kind no one actually gives two fucks about. However, it was also the first round of the 2017 South Coast RC Summer Gangbang, its unofficial name I hasten to add. Unfortunately, it clashed with the Truggy National in Kent, so a few regulars were missing, thus making its attendance lower than it would be normally. No matter, I chose to run the Sworkz Evo 2 and its Pro 8 Italia engine, which last saw use at last years Slough SRS round.

I'll admit it was only a half arsed attempt on my part at first. The alarm went off and I'd had such a shit weekend so far that it was a toss up between that, taking a motorbike out for a few hours or more diy. I chose to go racing. Pitting next me was a recent Sworkz/Answer RC signing, Andy Sullivan, we strike up conversation and exchange ideas, as he too is driving the Evo2. It's all good in Sworkz corner. I have a few laps practice and soon realize it's a damn sight more nimble than the truggy, and I will need to make some changes to the car.  It also turns out it's the hottest day of the year.....so far, sending the mercury rising....hang on....that sounds familiar.

1st round of Q and I get 5 laps, which is a bit pony, even by my standards. Not helped by driving over the bank or cutting as I leave pit lane. Amongst a couple of chassis changes, I change tyres for the 2nd round, going from Schumacher mini spikes in yellow compound to Pro-line Pinpoints. Which felt like a mistake at first, but having paid good money for the bastards and only used them once, I decide to persevere. I made a couple of other changes and try a couple of things with my driving, and I manage the mid/late 39s. This was enough to plonk me in the A Final.

First off though, my services as pit man are requested by fellow Sworkz driver and car park neighbour Andy. Who is in the B. Due to low numbers though, marshalls double as pit men with drivers having to drive to their pitmans marshalling position to refuel. This was to become party to Andys undoing though as I didn't notice he had cut as I was marshalling. I fuel him up and try to restart the car but to no avail. We swap plugs, still nowt. As it turns out, he told me afterwards, his glow starter was flat.

Final time for me, and I'm dead last of course, but the A is still the A. Simon Asquith was politely press ganged in to being my pitman, as he has done so before, and being of electric pursuasion, he needs the practice. I get off the line successfully and being last, I navigate the inevitable first corner balls up that usually gobbles up a third of the cars. Unfortunately, my throttle connection pops off the carb 7 minutes in, leaving me going nowhere fast. I finish the lap though as a lack of throttle return meant the carb was open enough for my car to move under it's steam. I reconnect and get back out. Only for it to happen again, so a DNF for me I'm afraid. Still, that's racing and just like the National Lottery, It could be you.

Once home and the circus unpacked from my car, I did find the front prop shaft had loosened off the pinion, thus loosing drive at the front. Also, an ominous notchy feel and noise coming from the rear gearbox, so a stripdown is in order which will result in those good chaps Pete and Karl at Answer RC sorting me out in exchange for some GBPs

So, with some track time once again under my belt, I'll hopefully be in a better position next time. I have a few massive projects at home though so racing will not be a weekly occurrence. I'm putting a fence up to hide my neighbours conservatory, much to the neighbours annoyance, so that could get messy (if you've seen a recent fb status of mine, you could take that either way). There's also a summer house and a patio in the pipeline. All with my fair hands. So stay tuned.

Stay safe kids, and remember, Cadburys Boost is slightly rippled, with a flat underside.

Back once again...

with RC racing, summat summat summat with the ill behaviour, with the ill behaviour etc etc...... Anyyyyyhoooooo.

Today, alias, aka the 12th of February 2017 marked the day I managed to return to racing after a brief hiatus doing real life shizzle, and suffering several race meets being cancelled a the last minute, however, I digress.

South Coast RC, in Three Legged Cross, were holding the *penultimate* round of their winter jamboree.  That's not it's proper name but it sounds better than plain ol' winter series I think you'll agree.  I decide on racing the Sworkz s350T US edition (to give it it's full designation) and I brave the wintery conditions where the temperature actually reached the heady heights of Fucking Cold.

Straight out of the box after nearly 3 months of no RC and I come 2nd in the 1st round of qualifying, beaten by Mr Stephen Brunsden (I'm in heat 2 btw, there were 3 heats for today).  There were enough truggies today to have held a full heat of their own but the powers that be decided instead tooooo......RallyX purists look away now........ mix truggies and buggies in the same heat (gasp)

Q2 time and I came in with a 10 lapper and a win so I was pleased with that, with Mr Brunsden in 2nd (his name will shorten throughout this blog).  Q3 was much the same, with another 10 lapper and in Q4, the bottom end on my engine had somehow leaned itself off and robbed me of any low down go I might have had which meant trying to keep the speed up but also get round the corners, it wasn't easy and did wonder if I'd actually finish the round, which I did but the Brunds beat me to 10 laps.

So then, that puts me 2nd on the grid for the B Final, Which isn't shabby.  I make a getaway and have a good opening third of the final with Steve Hamilton, each of us making passes and cock ups in equal measure.  He suffers a breakdown on his Mugen and I clear off, at some point after I had a brief skirmish with a *truggy*, who it would appear was in 1st place, I say was, because that's where I ended up.  I came in for fuel in the lead but lost it while Rob Woodrow was kind enough to chuck some Racing Experience 25% at my fuel tank in a less haphazard way than that actually insinuates.  Back out and after a fashion and a few passes, I was back in the lead.  However, several laps from the end, The *truggy* from earlier is catching me back up and I could hear words of encouragement coming in my direction so knew this other guy was on the move, *this other guy guy being Bernard btw*.  The buzzer sounds and I finish the race with a B Final win.  Top banana (I don't actually like bananas, they make me wanna puke)

Ye gods, I won the B, you know what that means don't you!  I get the bump up spot (I now qualify for the A Final) albeit in last place.  *Simon Asquith* set me off from the line while Steve Hamilton did the pitting honours.  I made a clean getaway and after negotiating the obligatory 1st corner pile up, I found myself in 4th, then further along I found myself a place or two higher.  It wasn't to be though, after knocking into Andy Tanners upside down Kyosho truggy, and a bit of a marshalling balls up which lead to everyone going past me before I was wheel side down, I end up dead last and that is unfortunately where I finished.

Anyway, hats off to the SCRC crew for a good day, Rob Woodrow and Steve Hamilton for pitting for me, Simon Asquith and the other bloke whose name I still don't know for seeing me off the line, and Tony RC Scott for driving into me on purpose in the air after I accidentally drove over you, all part of the banter.  Thanks also to Pete and Karl at Answer RC, without whom I'd still probably be kicking about with a Hyper ST.

See you all soon.


* * - denotes amendment

so far it's all been a bit......

Well, on December 29th, I felt a bit rough, I got through the day and thought nowt of it.  To cut a long story short, from the 30th onwards, I was sick as a dog, pissing out of my arse with blood chucked in for good measure, so happy new year.  I didn't return to work on 3rd of January as scheduled but spent untill the 7th, in bed, not eating.  Didn't feel back to normal until the weekend of the 14th/15th.  Turns out I had Campylobacter, a strain of food poisoning. A week later we were at the hospital again as Lei sliced her finger with a new knife, now I have a crappy cold.  

In the xmas week though I did fit some new lights in my crappy workshop, 3 new electronic battens with daylight tubes, wow, what a difference.  If you have a similar workspace I recommend going the daylight way.  Makes working on anything, soldering, motorbikes or otherwise so much easier. 

Talking of bikes, I visited facebook recently, and as you know, I have a bit of a love/hate thing with it, anyway, I was pleasantly surprised to find 3 of my friends had tagged me in some copy and paste thing about motorbikes.  It's all generic social media behaviour I know but someone had taken the time to type my name in which means I was thought of.  I haven't copied/pasted or posted anything yet but will do when I get to my pc. 

At the same time I notice I have been deleted as a friend by a fellow motorcyclist.  Here is a man who, since he passed his test 18 months ago, I have tried to help, advise and even ridden with on several occasions.  My only crime?  I took the piss out of him, which, frankly is normal behaviour for friends.  It's what we do, it's called banter, it's not malicious, and as the son of a bricklayer, it was drummed into me at childhood that if I didn't learn to take a joke when it was given out, I'd have a miserable life. 

If all the biker friends I'd met over the years behaved like this, my friends list would be empty and there'd be no one to go on breakfast runs with.  If you are reading this and you are that person, be thankful you met me now and not 15 years ago, I'm not half as good as I was.  Oh yeah, watch yourself when buying a new pair of tyres, I hear having two different makes on either end of your bike is just as good as 2 from the same manufacturer. All that matching pair talk?  That's just someone filling your head with shit. You're an alright bloke, but you have issues. Sort yourself out and come out for a ride you twat.

Cyclists, why do some of you choose to have a flashing light on the front of your bike as opposed to a solid one?  Are you a bit simple? Do you not know that's it is illegal to have a flashing white light on the front of your vehicle? It is meant to be solid. It probably has something to do with the human brain/eye combo not being able to process the speed and distance of a strobe light. Every time I see one I feel like breaking out some early Prodigy or Altern-8. You see them all lycra'd up, toad helmet on, miners torch, the lot, but they'd be the first to complain if you took one out. “are you blind? Can't you see the 6000 lumen light on the front of my bike?” “no, twat, cos it's basically a flashing strobe, which is illegal”. Use the road, I don't have a problem with that at all, but use a proper front light.

There has been no racing. I was due to hit Clanfield on the 22^nd, but it was cancelled due to frost, and I was due at South Coast RC today, but that too was cancelled due to rain, so I guess an hour on VRC will have to do for now I'm afraid.

I'd love to hear from you if you actually read this, I have no idea as to who actually reads it or if any notice is taken. The only thing I do know is that I have no subscribers. Please feel free to comment.

Catch yaz later